2. In divorces, there is inevitably a process of “discovery,” where each party requests information and documents from the other party. Sometimes this is informal and limited. Other times it is formal, comprehensive, and terribly time-consuming for the parties themselves (to gather the information), and for their lawyers (who must review the responses and put them together in proper legal form). Because most attorneys are sloppy and lazy with formal discovery, they request much more than is really necessary to settle a case, just to cover their butts and to avoid the work of tailoring the discovery demands to each particular case, or just to make the process more onerous for the other party.
The flowchart below gives an overview of different processes for completing a divorce in Massachusetts. In 95% of divorce cases in Massachusetts, the final terms of the divorce are agreed upon in a separation agreement that is written up outside of court and presented to a judge who approves it in a 20-minute hearing. There are very different routes, however, for reaching this separation agreement and brief hearing. In many cases, there are court actions–litigation or “contested divorce” processes–before a couple agree on the terms of the divorce in a separation agreement.

The guidelines use each parent's monthly gross income and consider basic, medical and child care support. A parent's monthly gross income is reduced by the amount of spousal maintenance or child support that the parent is ordered to pay from other support orders. Minnesota law allows a deduction from a parent's monthly gross income for a maximum of two non-joint children in their home.
Most state courts require you to submit a financial affidavit during the dissolution process. Be sure to check your local rules or consult with an attorney. It’s paramount to complete your financial affidavit accurately, as that information can be held against you later. Creating a rough draft early in the information-gathering process will ensure that your final version will be error-free. It also serves as a roadmap of the financial factors to cover during mediation.
Jay has been a licensed attorney since 1980. He began his career as a public defender before transitioning into insurance defense work where he gained valuable experience and knowledge of the insurance industry and insurance practices. After founding Tentinger Law Firm in 1997, Jay practiced in family law as well as continuing his insurance defense work. Today, Jay focuses his time to working with small businesses and their litigation needs. Jay is a member of the Minnesota, Iowa, and Nebraska State Bar Associations and a no-fault arbitrator for the American Arbitration Association. He is admitted to practice before the...

If you or your partner are really committed to their narrative—that one person is absolutely the bad guy, for example—mediation might not work. Green says, “There are some people who are quite intensely invested in feeling like the victim: ‘I’m right and the other person is wrong, and there is no universe in which the other person’s actions are acceptable.’”


A spouse is not liable to (responsible for paying) creditors for debts of the other spouse except for necessary medical expenses and household articles and supplies used by the family while the spouses live together.  A spouse is liable for credit card and other charges by the other spouse if both had agreed to be responsible to the creditor.  A spouse may also be liable for credit card debt if that spouse has used the card in the past.  Either spouse may close a joint credit card account at any time.  In some cases, it may be wise to cancel credit cards immediately.
File a notarized “Separation Agreement” signed by both parties. This is a written contract between spouses that addresses all issues related to:Property division (How are property and debts to be divided? Will one of you keep the house or will you sell the house? How will your retirement accounts be divided? What happens with credit card and student loan debts?)
Following trial and final written submissions, the judicial officer is allowed up to ninety days to issue written "Findings of Fact, Conclusions of Law, Order for Judgment and Judgment and Decree" which is the legal document dissolving your marriage and deciding all issues involving your children, property division, child support, spousal maintenance and attorney fees. After the issuance of the Judgment and Decree, Minnesota Law has a set procedure and time limit to allow either party to ask the court to correct any perceived or actual errors; to argue to the court to change its' decision; or, to argue that based on alleged errors, a new trial should take place. Although a new trial is rarely granted, it is not uncommon, especially when presented with complex issues, for the Court is slightly amend its' decision following the original judgment and decree.

Jerry has devoted himself exclusively to the practice of divorce and family law in Minnesota since 1993. He practices in all areas of family law including divorce, custody, child support, paternity, grandparents' rights, mediation, appeals, and same sex cases. Jerry is particularly experienced in representing clients in interstate and international divorce and child custody, and frequently advises other attorneys on these issues. Jerry's practice includes collaborative law and alternative dispute resolution. He is the author of the first Minnesota divorce and family law blog in the state, a recurring author for the Minnesota Association for Justice Magazine, and...


We are a full service divorce mediation office. We help each couple reach agreement on all issues, then facilitate drafting, notarizing and mailing of the legal documents to the court. Kent's focus is on helping each family through this difficult change, so the family experiences less conflict, less damage to important relationships and lower f ... more
The first opportunity for the Court to decide custody is normally at the temporary relief hearing. In Hennepin County, this can easily be four months or more from the date of filing. In other counties, it can be much speedier, as in Dakota or Scott County, where a temporary relief hearing date is normally available within about 3 weeks. Once the motions for temporary relief are heard, the Court has 90 days to rule, although they normally get temporary orders out within two to four weeks.
3.     Even if we don’t settle the case, it’s great preparation and knowledge for purposes of going into court.  Even though it’s confidential, and therefore an offer the other party made cannot be used in court against them, if you discuss the case in mediation and reach an impass, it does give us a better idea how best to present the dispute to the court.
But not every couple is a good candidate for mediation—and it can be hard to know in advance who’s going to find the process helpful and who’s going to find it useless—or worse, enraging. To get a better idea of warning signs, I spoke to Rachel Green, the family lawyer in Brooklyn, New York, who handled my own separation ten years ago. Below, the eight signs that mediation might not be right for you.

Infidelity can also be tough, though not impossible, to work through: In one case of Green’s, the husband had been unfaithful and in a rather public way—he was active on social media, on Tinder, and he had an alternative Facebook profile, “so he had not only cheated on her, but there was a public aspect to it, so she felt very angry, and she also felt humiliated.”


It is important to understand that each case is unique; however, a number of key factors influence the length (and cost) of your process. The first factor is preparation. Completing the requested preparations in advance and supplying the necessary documentation allows us to move more quickly. The second factor is complexity. Certain situations are simply more complicated to work through than others. That said, even the most complicated cases can be settled through mediation. During your free consultation, I am typically able to identify potentially complicating factors. Third is emotional readiness and conflict. Often times divorcing spouses are in a different stage of readiness; these differences can lead to conflict which may lengthen the time needed to resolve the issues. When you both feel ready to move forward and you are able to discuss the issues without a lot of conflict the process tends to move more quickly. Regardless of your particular situation, I am committed to helping all of my clients complete mediation as efficiently and cost effectively as possible, and believe that taking a divorce education class prior to beginning any divorce process can greatly increase your likelihood of success and efficiency.
Tera is one of the founding members and the managing partner at Minnesota Divorce and Family Mediation. She has over 15 years of combined education, training, and professional experience in facilitation, team building, negotiating, and mediating resolutions of all matters. She uses a strengths-based, client-driven approach to develop thorough parenting plans for children tailored to their unique circumstances and future needs. She has experience with complicated parenting issues, children with special needs, mental health issues, domestic partnerships, and other non-traditional relationships. Tera's goal is to develop a comprehensive divorce agreement while minimizing stress and cost.
1st meeting: The couple and the mediator identify the issues needed to be discussed and the order in which they will be discussed, then decide what information needs to be gathered and shared. Between the first and later sessions the couple gathers all relevant financial data, or if necessary, the opinions of experts such as appraisers or accountants, with this material treated with the same care and concern as would be the case in the adversarial process.
This is based on the outdated belief that women know less about the marital finances than their husbands, therefore will not be left with a favorable outcome in the divorce. It is important to remember divorce mediators are neutral and have no interest in either spouse “winning.” Finally, most people believe couples who are barely speaking could not possibly benefit from divorce mediation. Divorce mediators are highly trained in alternative dispute resolution and are skilled at working with those who have significant levels of anger between them. Obviously, both parties will be required to speak at some point, but the divorce mediator may be able to help that happen.
If you own your home or other land, this property must also be divided fairly.  The court may order the property sold so that each of you will have your share as soon as possible.  The court might award one spouse the home and give the other spouse other property, such as retirement accounts, that equal the equity in the home.  If the court believes that it would be better for the minor children to remain in the home, it may permit the children and the custodial parent to remain in the home until the children are 18 years old.  Then the proceeds from the sale of the home will be split. 
In Minnesota, there is no particular age at which a child gets to decide which parent he wants to live with. Generally, the older the child, the more weight the child’s preference carries, whether in the initial custody determination or in the context of a motion to modify custody. [1] Still, the child’s preference alone is an insufficient basis for modification of custody. [2] There must be a showing of endangerment, at least on an emotional level, in order to modify custody. [3] The child’s preference is an important factor and often a sine qua non of a showing of endangerment.
If you are concerned about ongoing earnings continuing to be marital in nature, then it is in your interest to lock in the default valuation date by filing the case as soon as possible and shepherding it along swiftly. For example, if you earn six figures, but your spouse is a stay-at-home unemployed parent, it is to your advantage to file the divorce first, and then work on settlement, rather than to mediate and negotiate for several months prior to filing.
A mediator’s job is to get you to reach an agreement. Their sense of professional fulfillment is satisfied when an agreement is reached. Unfortunately, all too often, this can result in a person agreeing to things that are contrary to his or her interests, contrary to what the Court would order, and — in the worst case — contrary to the best interests of the children. Therefore, it is critically important to either have an attorney with you at the mediation session, or at least have one on retainer at the time, to consult before you agree to anything.
If your ex-spouse is ordered to pay a debt but doesn't pay it, the creditor may force you to pay it if you originally signed for the credit.  This can happen no matter what the divorce decree says.  If that happens, you can ask the court to order your ex-spouse to pay you back.  The court can also find your ex-spouse in contempt of court for violating the court's order.

What the mediator can do, though, is assist the divorcing couple in formulating ideas that can eventually lead to agreements that will stand the test of time. That open and free exchange of information frees up both spouses to negotiate with each other in confidence. Because both spouses are working with the same base of information, it usually takes far less time to negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both spouses.
Mediation in divorce is a process by which a mediator or a trained neutral, often a lawyer or mental health professional, helps divorcing spouses reach agreement. The mediator works as a facilitator to guide the divorcing spouses through the process to resolve the outstanding issues. Some divorcing spouses have reached agreement on certain issues, but need assistance resolving other ones, and they attend mediation to address just those issues. Others need assistance with all of the issues. But those who elect mediation are electing to work together to maintain control of their lives. (When individuals litigate and go to court, the judge makes the decision. Those decisions are often not what either side really wants, but once the judge makes the decision, it is the one that controls.)
If the respondent answers the Petition, the parties will try to settle the case by having their attorneys work out an agreement.  This is called negotiation.  If the couple is able to agree on everything (through negotiation or mediation), a written agreement called a Stipulation or Marital Termination Agreement is prepared and signed by both parties and their attorneys.  The parties agree that one of them will present the Stipulation to the court.  Just one party needs go to court.  The other party usually does not attend.  The court usually accepts the agreement made by the parties.  A written Stipulation may also be presented to the court without the need for any hearing.  This process can only be used if each party had a lawyer.

The answer to this question varies. The “average” divorce can take anywhere from 6 weeks (or less), to a year and a half or more. How long your divorce will take depends on how well you and your spouse can cooperate, and on the complexity of the issues involved. At Tarshish Cody PLC, our attorneys will do their best to zealously represent your interests while still taking care to resolve your manner in an efficient and cost-effective manner.


Court rules now require both sides to try ways other than court to resolve their differences.  There are many other ways to reach agreements called alternative dispute resolution (ADR) methods.  Make sure you know all your choices before deciding on a method.  The parties may be asked to pay for the cost of ADR. Most ADR methods let you stop the process at any time without reaching an agreement.
When custody is in dispute, a Minnesota court issues a custody order that is in the "best interests of the child." Joint custody will only be awarded if parents have shown the court that they are willing and able to cooperate. A court also examines several factors with the child's welfare in mind. They include (1) the child's preference, (2) each parent's health, (3) the child's health and whether any special needs exist, (4) each parent's relationship with the child, (5) which parent has been the child's primary caretaker, (6) each parent's ability to provide a stable environment for the child, (7) any history of domestic violence or child abuse and (8) any allegations of abuse.
If the respondent does not answer the Petition within 30 days after it was served, the respondent is in default.  The petitioner's attorney tells the court and a default hearing is scheduled.  Default hearings are also scheduled when all of the relief to be ordered by the court has been agreed to by the parties in a written agreement called a Stipulation or Marital Termination Agreement. If both parties are represented by lawyers, the divorce may be finalized without a hearing. If both parties did not have lawyers or if the respondent never answered, there is a default hearing. At a default hearing only the petitioner and his or her attorney need to attend.  The petitioner is sworn under oath and testifies to all the facts necessary for the court to order the relief requested in the Petition or Stipulation.
Some find it helpful to make a list of marital events, in the order they occurred, as well as a list of the current disputes and another list of the outcomes you would like to see. Whether you put it on paper or not, have a list in your head of which issues are most important to you and which are the least important. Being prepared and on time is key to the success of the divorce mediation. You must also be prepared to talk to your spouse. If you have had trouble communicating in the past, your mediator will be there to facilitate communication. While it is important that you set goals regarding what it will take to resolve the case or the individual disputes, it is equally important you remain flexible. You may be surprised at some of the things you find out during mediation which change your perception of the entire issue.

Litigating a divorce results in both parties operating under attack and defend mode. When mediation is used, the process is much more peaceful and conciliatory. Both parties are allowed to explain their position and perspectives on all the issues, leading to a generation of solutions which ultimately benefit both spouses and their children, if any. Parties to divorce mediation have decision-making powers and must agree to each provision in the final agreement. Couples who agree to terms voluntarily are much more likely to comply with those terms in the future, and much less likely to find themselves back in court fighting about perceived violations of the terms.
This can be problematic if a party needs to commence a divorce in Minnesota immediately, but neither party has yet been residing here for the requisite six-month period. In such cases, one should seriously consider a legal separation, which has no length-of-residency requirement, and which can afford much of the relief afforded by divorce, such as determinations of property possession, custody, parenting time, child support, and spousal maintenance. [2] Later, after the six-month residence requirement is satisfied, the case can be converted to one for divorce.

Seeing headlines like these, who doesn't think that hiring a $1,000-an-hour divorce attorney is the best way to get what you deserve? But in reality, divorce isn't a winner-take-all sport. In community property states (like California) courts have to split marital property down the middle. In states that don't have community property laws (like New York) they split assets equitably.

During marriage, we kept our paychecks, bank accounts, and credit cards separate. How does this affect the division of assets and property if we get divorced? In Massachusetts, all of your assets and debts are considered marital and belong to both of you. It doesn’t matter whose name is on the accounts or credit cards or who paid which bills during the marriage.
For example, if there are two automobiles, each spouse is usually given one of them.  This is especially true if the cars are nearly equal in value.  If there is only one automobile, the court often awards it to the spouse who has the greater need for transportation.  Extra items of personal property may be awarded to the other spouse so that the overall value of each share remains the same.  Retirement accounts and whole life insurance policies are property too.
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