No case is too complicated to be settled using mediation. Often times the “complicated” cases are the cases which in the context of the adversarial legal system, cost the most, last the longest and create the most extreme long-term negative impacts for all involved. If you believe your situation is complicated, do yourself a favor and begin with mediation. Additional professional assistance within the context of mediation is always available in the form of accountants, appraisers, financial planners, therapists, child specialists, and attorneys
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In this first stage, the mediator works with you and your spouse to lay a foundation for the rest of the mediation. You give the mediator background information about your situation, and the mediator explains how the mediation will be conducted. Depending on how well you and your spouse communicate and what the issues are in your case, the mediator suggests an approach that should optimize the chances of reaching an agreement. You'll assess the issues on which you and your spouse agree or disagree, helping you to work together on an agenda for the rest of the mediation.
Prior to the temporary relief hearing, as indicated above, both parents have custody. One the one hand, it is a disadvantage to agree to a parenting time schedule — even on an interim basis — which is less than what you want on a permanent basis, because even though this is not legally relevant, I have seen judges swayed by arguments about who has had the children prior to the court appearance. On the other hand, children shouldn’t have to witness their parents fighting at the day care center doors about who gets to take them home. Sometimes the best approach is just to share the time 50-50 for the sake of compromise, until the matter is heard by the Court. If for the sake of the children you feel it is best not to fight about it, it is very important to send written notice to your spouse explaining your strong objection to the interim arrangement, e.g.:
After discovery is completed, the attorneys will typically work with you to formulate a settlement proposal which is presented to the other side, either as part of a settlement meeting at one of the attorney's offices, or simply through a letter sent to the other lawyer. The attorneys will prepare a balance sheet summarizing your assets and liabilities. In Minnesota, the law requires an "Equitable Division of Property," which typically, but not always indicates an equal division of property. Parenting time proposals may also suggest the future use of a "Visitation Expeditor" or "Parenting Consultant" who are neutral third parties retained to assist in resolving future parenting and parenting time disputes. When the parties have children, settlement discussions will also involve "child support", which is currently set pursuant to "child support guidelines" based on a comparison of the gross incomes of both parties, and the amount of time the children will spend with each party. If one of the parties lacks the resources to support themselves, settlement discussions will also involve requests for either temporary or permanent "spousal maintenance." Pursuant to Minnesota Law, spousal maintenance while based on a consideration of several factors, ultimately will be based upon a consideration of the marital standard of living, the needs of the spouse requesting maintenance and the ability of that spouse to meet those needs as compared to the needs of the spouse from whom maintenance is sought, and their ability to meet their own needs and still contribute to the support of the requesting spouse. Maintenance may be temporary or permanent, depending on the facts of the case, including length of marriage whether there is any uncertainty as to if the spouse requesting maintenance will ever be able to become fully self supporting.
Patrick C. Burns is an experienced lawyer with a comprehensive practice of real estate, family, and general litigation. Mr. Burns has extensive experience in the courtroom, and is known for his focused and intense advocacy for his clients. He is one of the few attorneys to successfully appeal an intent to revoke a housing license in Hennepin County and regularly represents landlords in all types of leasing, licensing, and litigation matters. He has successfully foreclosed on hundreds of liens and regularly advises homeowners' associations on declarations, amendments, and remedies in collecting dues. He is also an experienced family law litigator...
Still want to try mediation? Check out the primer on mediated divorces, and talk to an attorney. And keep an open mind about the process, even if feelings are running high right now. Green says she had a client who would say she tried to say to herself, “‘how will I feel about this in five days, how will I feel about this in five months, how will I feel about this in five years?’, and I thought that was a very useful question for a person to ask themselves when they’re beginning this process.”
Divorce mediation is a voluntary settlement process used frequently and successfully by married couples who want to divorce, and by domestic partners who want to separate. Divorce mediation gives couples the option to plan their futures rationally, and in an atmosphere of cooperation and mutual respect. With the assistance of a trained divorce mediator, you can reach an agreement that is custom-made for your family, your finances and your future. To learn the answers to frequently asked questions about divorce mediation, please review our FAQs.
Very few things in any family law issue are black and white. Our job is to step back and help you look at the larger picture in terms of what you have to get out of your divorce versus what might be emotionally driven. We sit down with you to discuss whether what you are asking for is worth pursuing and how a judge might handle a situation if your case ends up in litigation.
Going through a divorce can be one of the toughest times in your life. You need a lawyer who understands what you're going through and who can help you look at the practicalities as well as the legalities you need to deal with. You need a lawyer who can be aggressive and fight for what you are entitled to, but who will also be honest with you about what is reasonable in the eyes of the law.
The court can also consider a change if the parent with custody has denied or interfered with the parenting time of the other parent. However, parenting time problems alone are usually not enough to change custody. Denying or interfering with a parenting time schedule is a factor that a court may consider in deciding to change custody. A judge can also change custody based on the “best interests of the child,” if both parents agreed to use that standard in a writing approved by the court.
Remember that even though your children may be small today, as they grow up your roles as parents will change. You may have to consult with each other on important life decisions such as medical needs, or see each other at milestones like graduations, weddings, and the birth of your grandchildren. Learning to effectively co-parent early on will help you years down the road.
Anita Motolinia is a conflict resolution professional solely dedicated to the practice of mediation. Based in Minneapolis, Anita Motolinia Mediation serves people throughout Minnesota and the United States. She specializes in workplace, family owned business and divorce mediation. Her extensive mediation experience and training allow her to use a w ... more
Stacy Wright Family Law and Mediation, Chtd., is a family law and mediation firm located in Brooklyn Park, Minnesota. Stacy Wright, Attorney at Law, is experienced, empathetic, and creative. She takes the time to get to know her clients and understand their goals, so she can help them work towards their goals. Stacy Wright believes that it is important for her clients to understand both the court process and the laws that affect her clients’ cases, so in addition to advocating for her clients, her law firm also focuses on client education.
Spousal maintenance is money paid to support an ex-spouse. Either spouse can ask for spousal maintenance, but the court will not award spousal maintenance unless there is a need for it. Spousal maintenance may be granted for several reasons. These include disability or illness or not having worked outside the home for a number of years. If there is a large difference between your income and that of your spouse, you may be in need of spousal maintenance.
You can ask the court for an Order for Protection. It will order the abuser to stop all the abuse and threats. It can also order the abuser to leave the home, to stay away from your work place or school. It can provide for temporary custody, child support and use of the car or home. It can also do other things to protect you and the children. It doesn't matter whether or not you've started a divorce or if you're still living together.