If one partner is really invested in making the other person’s life worse—like not allowing her to take vacation with the kids and her family when it’s convenient, just because he wants to muck up her vacation plans—they are not good candidates for mediation. Green says, “If you feel like your ex is a narcissist or out for revenge,” mediation is not going to work.
NO, THEY ARE NOT! I can’t tell you the number of times someone comes to me with this same sad predicament. For several months or years, the party has been paying less child support or spousal maintenance by verbal agreement with the other party, only to be socked later with an arrears judgment for $20,000, $30,000, or $40,000, as the case may be. The only way to protect yourself from this is to have the agreement drafted up and approved by the court in writing.

I use only processes—mediation, collaborative law divorce, and out-of-court negotiation—that emphasize open, respectful communication. I am currently not taking "contested" cases, in which each spouse hires a lawyer and fights in court. If you have been served with divorce papers or need legal representation in court, you should contact a different attorney.
Notwithstanding all of the above, mediation can often be the process that helps break an impasse and result in a reasonable settlement of one’s case. But for mediation to work, both parties must be prepared to compromise. If you approach mediation with the attitude that it will be an opportunity to convince the other party to do things your way, mediation will likely fail. That said, be careful not to concede too much. A lawyer can give you an appreciation for where the line is between generous cooperation and foolish capitulation.
Once the decision to mediate is made, it is necessary to find a mediator. Many counties have community-based or court-annexed mediation centers. If the mediation is court-ordered, the court may appoint a mediator, or will allow the parties to agree upon a qualified mediator. Both lawyers and non-lawyers serve as mediators. The fees charged vary from mediator to mediator and from case to case.
A trickier question is whether you may record the other parent's conversations with the children. Under the doctrine of "vicarious consent," as long as a parent or guardian has "a good faith, objectively reasonable belief that the interception of telephone conversations is necessary for the best interests of the children," then he may consent to the interception (i.e. listening in or recording the call) on behalf of the children. [3] However, this can be risky, because if there is any dispute about whether your vicarious consent was in good faith or objectively reasonable, you may still end up having to defend against possible criminal charges or a civil lawsuit. The Wagner case I have cited, for example, was a civil lawsuit by a one parent against the other parent who had recorded telephone calls between the children and herself. The Court allowed that lawsuit to proceed because there was a genuine issue of material fact as to the motivations of the parent who had made the recordings. I don't recommend recording any such phone calls without first consulting a lawyer.

Once the mediator has helped the spouses frame the issues and interests clearly, it is time to negotiate an acceptable settlement. This usually begins with an exploration of possible options. With the mediator’s help, the spouses discuss and evaluate the options, until eventually they narrow down the options to the ones that work best for both spouses. Getting to the final combination of options will involve compromises and concessions on both sides


All people have power in different ways. It is my job as mediator to balance power and ensure that both clients have an equal voice and ability to impact outcomes. In mediation, power comes from knowledge and information. Documented information about assets and liabilities and a broad understanding of each other’s needs are what make you successful in mediation.
If the custodial parent wishes to leave the state, the other parent must agree that the children can move or the custodial parent must get permission from the court.  If the other parent agrees, the agreement should be put in writing.  The court must weigh certain factors when deciding whether to allow the move. The factors are things like the reason for the move and the child’s relationship with the other parent and other family members. The parent requesting the move must convince the court to give permission, except in domestic violence cases.
A mediator is a neutral professional specially trained to help you and your spouse reach agreement about all the important legal issues relating to your divorce. A mediator is not a decision maker. As your mediator, I guide you through the divorce process. I answer your questions and help you understand the court system. I facilitate a productive discussion of the issues while maintaining a safe and respectful environment. I assist you in understanding each other’s needs, wants and concerns. I help you generate and consider creative options. If you have minor children, I help you create a comprehensive Parenting Plan which will increase your likelihood of parenting success after your divorce is final. And finally, I document your agreements in a Memorandum of Agreement.
Born and raised in Southeastern Minnesota, Karl has years of experience in general practice. He advises clients on a wide range of legal subjects including commercial and criminal law with special emphasis on family and bankruptcy law. His experience includes a focus on consumer bankruptcy proceedings for businesses and individuals wishing to alleviate the burden of unmanageable debt, as well as non-bankruptcy debt workouts. He has represented numerous individuals and business concerns guiding them from commencement of their bankruptcy case to their discharge, and other post-discharge issues. Karl also has focuses much of his practice on family law, including marital dissolutions, paternity,...
In conclusion, my advice to fathers is that they should not despair. If the children would be better off in the father’s custody, that is worth fighting for, and is winnable. I have gotten many fathers custody, even in the most dismal of predicaments. For mothers, my advice is to take nothing for granted. Against a determined father, the loss of custody is a very real possibility which you should take very seriously if custody is important to you.
Mediation in divorce is a process by which a mediator or a trained neutral, often a lawyer or mental health professional, helps divorcing spouses reach agreement. The mediator works as a facilitator to guide the divorcing spouses through the process to resolve the outstanding issues. Some divorcing spouses have reached agreement on certain issues, but need assistance resolving other ones, and they attend mediation to address just those issues. Others need assistance with all of the issues. But those who elect mediation are electing to work together to maintain control of their lives. (When individuals litigate and go to court, the judge makes the decision. Those decisions are often not what either side really wants, but once the judge makes the decision, it is the one that controls.)

No dissolution shall be granted unless (1) One of the parties has resided in this state, or has been a member of the armed services stationed in this state, for not less than 180 days immediately preceding the commencement of the proceeding; or (2) One of the parties has been a domiciliary of this state for not less than 180 days immediately preceding commencement of the proceeding. (Minnesota Statutes - Chapters: 518.07, 518.09)
Janet Rowles is a mediator specializing in high conflict and emotionally-difficult situations. In addition to doing divorce, post-divorce, unmarried relationship dissolution, and all types of family mediations, Janet does small and large group work including circle-keeping in Minneapolis public schools and facilitating large-groups such as condo as ... more
Divorce mediation is an alternative to court litigation for resolving disputes that arise as two people separate their lives.  A neutral third party called a “mediator” helps the couple to work through the issues of their divorce and reach a mutually agreeable settlement.  Please note that mediation may not be safe or appropriate for individuals with a history or fear of domestic violence.
Historically, courts would only grant a divorce if one spouse could prove the other's wrongdoing - for example, by presenting evidence of adultery, abuse or failure to support. Fortunately, those times are long past. Minnesota is now a no-fault state, which means you don't have to prove fault-based grounds to get a divorce. It's enough to assert that irreconcilable differences caused the marriage to break down.

If one partner is really invested in making the other person’s life worse—like not allowing her to take vacation with the kids and her family when it’s convenient, just because he wants to muck up her vacation plans—they are not good candidates for mediation. Green says, “If you feel like your ex is a narcissist or out for revenge,” mediation is not going to work.
Go over the pros and cons of mediation, as opposed to other methods. Whether it’s in person at a coffee shop, over the phone, via text messages, or through email, the first step is to agree to participate wholeheartedly. Strong-arming your spouse might get him or her to the table, but the mediation won’t be effective and you’ll end up wasting time and money.
The main advantage of mediation is that it keeps you and your spouse in control of your own divorce. That can make all the difference in your recovering from your divorce and moving on with your life. Mediation allows the two of you to get through your divorce with less conflict than you would experience in an adversarial divorce. Because mediation is all about working with shared knowledge, mediation also often allows you and your spouse to work together to lower your tax bill . . . and that can often translate to more money for you.
1. Never let your spouse suck you into a fight — even a verbal one. Once it starts getting heated, just withdraw from your spouse’s presence. While this won’t protect you against a spouse who is willing to make up a false abuse allegation out of whole cloth, it will protect you from a spouse who is trying to set you up to do something which will allow him or her to claim s/he was physically harmed or put in fear of imminent bodily harm.
This is usually a very smart thing to do, to prevent the other spouse from racking up debt in your name. I’ve seen it happen countless times. And while this can be accounted for, it’s much easier to just avoid the issue in the first place. Also, remember that even if the Court orders your spouse to assume this or that joint credit card debt, the Court has no authority to absolve you of your contractual liability to the creditor. So the joint debt will remain on your credit history, and will still be your problem to deal with if your spouse ever stops paying or pays late.
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Unless your lawyer thinks it's important that you be represented, try the first session without your attorney. (If your spouse is insisting on having an attorney present, you'll want to do the same.) If you're not represented, but you've asked a lawyer to be your consulting attorney just for purposes of mediation, then you'll likely attend the first mediation session on your own. Either way, if you go by yourself and then you find that you can't state your position clearly or stand up for yourself alone, then consider bringing your lawyer to later sessions.
What the mediator can do, though, is assist the divorcing couple in formulating ideas that can eventually lead to agreements that will stand the test of time. That open and free exchange of information frees up both spouses to negotiate with each other in confidence. Because both spouses are working with the same base of information, it usually takes far less time to negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both spouses.
What the mediator can do, though, is to point out in open session to both spouses things that each of them should be aware of about what they’re trying to accomplish. That open and free exchange of information frees up both spouses to negotiate with each other in confidence. Because both spouses are working with the same base of information, it usually takes far less time to negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both spouses.
Yes, with effort and cooperation from both parties, your case could settle out of court. Agreeing (settling) on terms may or may not be the best solution for your interests. You should still have an attorney review the proposed terms of the divorce before you file a joint stipulation with the court to ensure the settlement is in your best interest.
The vast majority of divorcing spouses - 97% according to some research - resolve all issues without going to trial. More and more individuals are resolving their issues on their own. Attorneys have recognized this, and many seek to support divorcing spouses in this do-it-yourself process. For example, some divorcing spouses will meet with attorneys separately for a consultation, and then attend mediation on their own. This way, each spouse can be well-informed about their options, but still maintain control (and keep the costs down) as they move forward to resolve any outstanding issues.

At Johnson Mediation, we think of ourselves as divorce specialists. It is our job to provide you with the most efficient level of service that ensures we address all of the necessary details surrounding your divorce, which often include a child-focused Parenting Plan in the event that you have kids. While other options may want you to believe a divorce needs to be hard fought, and drawn out, it is our experience that this is often not the case. We are skilled at helping individuals deal with complex emotions that accompany divorce. With our experience and mediation background we feel confident that we can help you cope with these emotional difficulties during and after your divorce is final.


In all of the states we practice in, both equitable distribution states and community property states, the parties are encouraged to actively participate in, and come to agreement on, the fair division of their marital assets and liabilities. But unless you and your spouse are experts in the financial matters pertaining to divorce, this can be a dangerous path to walk.
Your agreement can include all parts of a divorce or focus on only financial or child-based issues. Again, this is up to you. The mediation process is confidential. Aside from agreements reached in writing, everything said in mediation is confidential. Like a psychologist’s office, your mediator cannot be called as a witness to anything said in mediation. This confidentiality lets couples discuss matters more freely than before a judge and lets them move past and resolve issues.
Each spouse has the right to sell, give away, or dispose of any property the couple owns.  For example, either person can withdraw money from a joint bank account.  Either can charge on a joint credit card.  There are some exceptions to this general rule.  Neither spouse has the right to cash checks made out to the other spouse.  Neither spouse can withdraw money from a bank account if it is in the name of the other spouse only.  Neither spouse can sell a motor vehicle that is in the name of the other spouse.  Neither can sell real estate that is in both names or in the name of one spouse.
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